There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
