i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Green mimosas i think yes
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
