You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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