I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
