from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
