so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
