thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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