I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
