my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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