I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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