I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
