dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
