then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
