what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
