Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
