So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
