Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
