You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize