first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
