If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You don't make any sense
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