How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
