I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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