Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
