Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
