I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
