That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
