At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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