david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
