Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
