The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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