never play flip cup with pint glasses
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
