I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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