I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Terrible idea I love it
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
