If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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