Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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