Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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