I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
