I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
wow bdsm is so cute
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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