I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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