What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
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Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
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I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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