Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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