Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
