You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think my vagina is haunted
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
