They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
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my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
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Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
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