I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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