you guys were way drunker than both of me
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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