so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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