Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
