its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
