Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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