new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
