i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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