Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
