brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
