Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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