did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dicks are not precious.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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