My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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