It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
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His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
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I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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